lessons

Hello Dear.
It’s been far, far too long.
I’d like to write a long, detailed, wonderful blog. But, I have an exegesis to write.
Great joy.
So, instead I will write a few lessons God has been teaching me as of late, lessons that I continue to learn.

First, happiness is a choice. It is not and should not be dependent on one person or one situation. Happiness is a choice and should be shared with others.

Second, it’s ok to not have everything together or everything figured out. Sometimes I absolutely freak about the unknown. But, that is where faith comes in. I’m learning to trust God with the unknown.

And lastly, life isn’t about giant leaps, but about single steps. Taking everything one step at a time.

Glory to Jesus.

one year;; yosemite

good morning, 2010!

12:37 am
On this, the first day of 2010, I am most thankful for…

1. Jesus, His patience with me and the work He continually does in my life.
2. my dear family that I love more and more and more as the years go by.
3. Ryan, my friend, my other half.
4. Metro, my wonderful home church.
5. my wonderful friends that give me so much joy.
6. the Word that always gives me hope and fills my life with truth.
7. my school and the provision God always makes for me to go.
8. healing.
9. forgiveness.
10. love.

Christmas Time Thoughts #3

I’ve spent far less time on Facebook in the last few days and it feels wonderful. I’ve spent much more time with my mom, with Jesus, journaling, reading poetry, and relaxing. What a better use of my time.

Which leads me to my topic…

My mom is a theater teacher at my old high school. She teaches drama classes and directs shows and she’s told me that each year, her incoming students seem to be less intuitive and less creative than the students before them. They don’t seem to catch on as quickly nor can they express themselves as well. Interesting?

Also, a guy that works in admissions at my school was talking with Ryan and telling him how, each year the incoming freshman class seems less mature than the one before. And not just because he is getting older, but because they legitimately are less mature than the class before them was at the same time the year prior. Intriguing?

I have a theory.

My generation was raised on computers. I had a Xanga when I was 14, then I progressed on to Myspace, then added texting, Facebook, Twitter, etc. Unlike the generations before me, I can have instant and constant communication with anyone I want. I can update anyone with my status, post pictures for everyone to see, and instant message anyone that is online. My generation has gotten so used to this. So much of our communication is the interpretation of words on a screen. We can portray any version of ourselves that we wish to on cyberspace. We maintain relationships via cyberspace. Words. On a screen. No voice inflection. No body cues. No subtle implications from our tone. Simply words.

I do think that social networking and texting is a great way to stay in touch. To a certain extent. But, I think it is evident that we’ve become so reliant on it that we have lost the art of real relationships.

Just a theory.

Christmas Time Thoughts #2

a few thoughts…

first of all, i decided that this winter break i am not going to go on facebook at all when i go to bed. i kind of have that habit when i’m on breaks from school. i just veg in bed and bum around on facebook. there’s really nothing wrong with it, i guess. but, it has this strange way of making me feel depressed or judgmental because i compare myself to other people and compare my life to others’ lives. i think it’s just unhealthy and ultimately a waste of time. so, instead of getting on facebook in the evening, i’m going to… READ! amazing, huh? i think so. reading. wow. i think it’s a grand idea.

also, i’ve been thinking a lot about life lately. what life is. what life should be. i’ve been thinking about careers, marriage, relationships. all the big, important life things. sometimes i want this amazingly perfect life. this is what it would look like: i would teach high school theater and in my spare time write and record my own music and be in plays and shows on stage. i would of course have the perfect husband (because i’ve spent vast amounts of time dating many different guys and picked the most perfect one out of the bunch) and then have the most perfect two children, one boy and one girl. i would have the most precious house ever, and my husband and i would make enough money to support our family and enough to support missions and world vision children and be able to go on bi-yearly trips to europe. and my husband and i would, of course, have plenty of time to spend with each other because we’ve prioritized our time so perfectly.

perfect.

but, ya know, i don’t think life ever works that way. i don’t know exactly how life is supposed to go. but, i don’t think it is ever perfect, nor what anyone ever plans.

sometimes my thoughts are really all over the place. and i can’t make a whole lot of sense out of them. but, maybe that’s ok. i don’t really know how to end this.

Christmas Time Thoughts #1

I’ve lived a lot of places. And seen a lot of things. And met a lot of people. I’ve had good friends and best friends. People that I thought would be in my life forever. Some are and some aren’t. Some people I wish that I still had the same relationship with, others I really could care less. But there are the select few that have remained in my life through everything. Those people that truly know me, those people that just get me no matter what.  I could count those people on my hands. And I’m totally ok with that.

three down, five to go

Three semesters done. Five to go. Wow. Sometimes time flies by and sometimes it seems to be at a standstill. I’ve gotten past the freshman “college-is-amazing-I-love-being-on-my-own” stage and am to the point where I feel like I’m just pushing through to the next thing. This is the most purpose-less I’ve ever felt. I know I’m not purpose-less. I know God has a plan for me and I know that what I’m doing is for a reason. Nevertheless, that is how I’m feeling. The things I really want to do in life simply are impossible at this point.

But, I guess that’s ok. I guess that is something everyone goes through at points throughout their life.

Exactly a year ago, was my very first finals week. Such good memories. It’s amazing where I am now… I’m so glad I’m with Ryan. (:

reminiscing…

written almost one one year ago…

it’s amazing what happens when you have a little time to think…

isn’t it?

the end of my first semester in college and the beginning of Christmas break.

i drove “home” to sonora on thursday afternoon after my last final. it was a beautiful, sunshiney winter day.
i could hear nothing but the music coming through the speakers in my car and feel nothing but the heater on my feet. and for no obvious reason, i started to cry.
i really do not know why.
sometimes it doesn’t makes sense to cry yet it feels like it is the only right thing to do.
or maybe that’s just me.

maybe it was the fact that i had just had the best week i’d had all semester. (yes, finals weeks was the highlight… thanks you pirate’s booty, temple, acronyms, grilled cheese and remember when.)
maybe it was the fact that i didn’t want to leave.
maybe it was the fact that i wanted to go home.
maybe i’m just a girl.
maybe i’m just super lame.
i don’t know.

then yesterday, i drove up to vancouver, wa (not vancouver, bc. portland is super close. that’s why i say i’m going to portland.) with my dad and my brother and sister. i took a “shift” driving while my family slept and more time to just sit. to just be. to just listen and consider and contemplate.

i have done that drive many times, so i know what it looks like. but i have never done the whole thing in the dark. it was a brand new experience.

the stars sure were clear in northern california.
and the snow sure was fresh in the siskiyou mountains.
and God sure is beautiful.

when i got about an hour from portland, the snow began to dump. i had to consciously focus on which white hash marks to look at on the road. i was surrounded by white. the car was getting pelted with white and the shoulders of the road were white. and everything else was black. it was so dark outside.

and in the car i was singing “into marvelous light i’m running, out of darkness, out of shame.”

then i realized how perfect it was.

wow Jesus. You are pretty rad.

sometimes i get kinda disgusted with myself. other times i’m fairly satisfied.
other times, like this week, i think just how i don’t know myself. how i can change and surprise myself and how what i’ve always liked, really may not be that important.

sometimes i make things complicated.

but i am so thankful for Jesus.
and i am so thankful for friends that i can utterly be myself with.
to those of you that i spent this last week with, thank you for that. i sincerely mean it.

and Jesus, thanks for coming.
thanks that we can celebrate it.
thanks for the warm house i sit in .
thank You for the beautiful, white blanket that is covering the earth.

thank You for this beautiful life.

:)

Yesterday, Ryan and I decided to go to Sonora. It was a very good decision. Pretty, huh?

Also, I very much love Ryan. A lot.

I could say much more. But, it is quite late and I must do my algebra homework instead. Sad.

Treehouse Point!

I want to go here!
treehousepoint.com (: